In a word
by Ciircee
Summary: Answer to a challenge: Four hundred words exactly and uses the phrase 'like cabbages and crocodiles'.
1. In a Word

Disclaimer: JKR owns everybody you know.  Literally. ^.^

Author's Note: This is a response to the challenge that Sinbin issued at the Sugar Quill.  So I guess that this is dedicated to Sinbin.

_In a Word_

"I reckon she likes you, mate," Ron's voice was a dull, embarrassed rush.  "I mean she _fancies you."_

Harry pinched the bridge of his nose, which shoved his glasses up and caused the pads to bite into his skin. "But _you like her."_

Ron's ears colored.  "I never said that."

"Still."  Harry waved one hand to indicate the validity of the hitherto fore unspoken admission. 

"And all."  Ron shrugged, repeating the motion.

"But you think she…and that she wants me to…I mean…she's _Hermione."  Harry gestured again, at a loss.  "I mean…how could I?"_

"Dunno," Ron muttered.  "'S not that hard to…you know.  'Cause she's Hermione and all that."

Harry shrugged.  "I guess she's alright," he watched the color in Ron's ears wash into his face.  "But I just couldn't."

"Because I…well, you know?"  Ron asked shrewdly.

Taking off his glasses, Harry closed his eyes.  "Dunno.  I guess that's a little part of it.  Mostly it's because she's Hermione."

"Yeah, but I li…" he trailed off and Harry cracked one eye open just in time to see a beet-red Ron bite his lip.  "Because she's Hermione.  See?"

Harry reached for his glasses and sat forward.  "Well, if she does fancy me…" he studied Ron uncertainly.  "Well, why would she?  She's been around me loads of times without seeming to…you know…"

"Which doesn't bode well for me," Ron sighed softly.  "Not," he stuttered suddenly, "that that matters…anyway, you're famous.   And when Parvati said you were cute, Lavendar was on about how Hermione was so lucky; she said it right out in front of everybody and Hermione got this look…you know that _look she gets."_

"Yeah," Harry frowned in concentration.  "And she didn't say anything, did she; just went off to the library."  His heart sank at Ron's solemn nod.  "Oh no…she _does fancy me."_

"Oh, don't be ridiculous," Hermione's voice admonished from behind them.  "I don't fancy Harry at all."  
  


"You don't?"  Harry noted that both he and Ron sounded entirely relieved.

"Of course not."  Hermione sank into the other chair in front of the fireplace and dropped her Rune translations on the low table.  "Romantically speaking, Harry, you and I would get on like cabbages and crocodiles."

Ron nodded, apparently relieved as Hermione settled, businesslike, to work.  "Sure…of course.  Cabbages."

Harry waited until Ron had returned to his essay before asking mischievously, "So, what about you and Ron, Hermione?  Romantically speaking."


	2. In Other Words...

Disclaimer: See Chapter One for all my wacky disclaimer fun!

Dedications: To Sinbin for the challenge and HPGuy for coming up with this four-hundred-word-challenge phrase 'tell me more about my eyes!'. 

Author's Note: These are fun, but I don't plan to make this a series or anything. If I add more it'll be more 400 word challenge bits like this and the first part. I hope you like it. ^.^

_In Other Words..._

The tip of Hermione's quill snapped off and Ron's essay tore directly down the center. Harry smiled. "So," he asked again, "how would you and Ron get on?"

Hermione blinked. "Well...well, that is...I'm sure we...of course I...well, honestly! What a question!" Hermione finally managed to splutter. 

Ron, as red as Harry had ever seen another person go, nodded fervently. "Come off it, Harry!" Ron's eyes were pleading. "That'd be completely daft! I mean...Hermione...and me..." he forced a laugh which, Harry noted, Hermione was quick to echo.

"Really, me and Ron!" Harry found it telling, and amusing in the extreme, that Ron and Hermione were studiously not looking in the other's direction. The fact that they were both working on their homework, rip and broken quill unnoticed, was even funnier. "It's mad."

And so Harry nodded earnestly. "It's as mad as the idea of you and I together, isn't it, Hermione?" He smiled sweetly at their murderous looks. "I mean, really!" He laughed and listened as his friends joined in half-heartedly. "Still..."

"Oh, what 'still'?" Hermione huffed. "I suppose you think it'd work well if Ron suddenly started mooning over me and I was twittering nonsense like 'tell me more about my eyes!'?" She blushed furiously. "I mean, not to be rude, but I already_ know _they're brown."

Ron, also blushing furiously, shook his head. "No they're not."

"I think I know the color of my own eyes, Ron," Hermione snapped, affronted. "They're brown."

"Well, yeah, they are…but not just," Ron leaned forward to peer at Hermione's eyes. "They're brown, but there are streaks of this sort of dark golden-y brown…like the caramel at Honeydukes."

"Really?" Hermione seemed to be leaning forward and her voice was…breathy? 

Ron nodded solemnly, not breaking eye contact, voice low. "Yeah. And there's these, I dunno, flecks? They look like butterscotch chips."

"Oh," Hermione breathed. "I didn't know that." Harry grinned to himself and wondered if they would notice if he left. 

"They're awfully pretty, really." Ron said softly.

Harry nodded thoughtfully. "I guess they are. I hadn't noticed," he said and watched as Ron and Hermione leapt apart as though Banished. "But you're right, on the other thing, Hermione. You and Ron…that's a mad idea, isn't it. It simply wouldn't work, would it?"

"Of course not. It's entirely foolish!" Hermione said.

"Entirely." Ron agreed.

They wouldn't look at each other.

"Oh, yes, entirely," Harry smiled. 


	3. The Last Word on the Matter

Disclaimer, etc. in first part.

Dedicated: To the Sugar Quill! 

_The Last Word on the Matter_

Harry Potter wandered into the Hogwarts kitchens, intent on a snack; teasing his friends into any sort of admissions of _feelings was hard, hungry work.  "Hey, Dobby," he called out, "I don't suppose there's any…whoa!" Harry took a step backward.  He'd expected to see the normal, happy bustle of the kitchen.  It wasn't what he found._

The elves were stationed around the room and each one was working independently; the elves that didn't look miserable looked mutinous.  "Harry Potter, sir."  Dobby's normally exuberant voice was dull.  "What is Winky, who is today in charge of food, able to get sir?"

"Um…" Harry picked his way through the eerily silent room to where Dobby was working and sat down beside him.  "Well, I wanted a slice of pie…" in the corner Winky sobbed openly and cut into a pie.  "Dobby, I don't want to be intrusive, but what in the name of Merlin is going on?"

Dobby's ears drooped.  "We is having 'regularly assigned tasks'.  Today is Winky's day as cook, bottle washer and I is potato peeler, letter sealer. Tomorrow…" trailed off brokenly.  "It is, sir, our 'new, efficient, way of getting things done'."

"This is Hermione's doing, isn't it?" Harry groaned.  All the elves nodded.  Winky threw the slice of pie on the floor at Hermione's name.  "Well, look, Dobby, I'll talk to her and bring her around when I can.  Right now she and Ron are either avoiding each other or snogging each other."

"What?"  Ginny Weasley stood in the doorway with eyebrows raised.  "How did _that happen?"_

Harry grinned at her as she made her way to chair across from him.  "Oh, well…it all started when Hermione said she and I were like cabbages and crocodiles and went on from there." 

"Okay," Ginny shrugged acceptingly.  "What's wrong with Winky?"  She gestured to the elf, who was now wailing on the floor.

"Hermione's new regime isn't working out," Harry explained.  Winky screamed.  "Maybe we should change the subject?"

Ginny smiled sweetly and leaned across the table.  "Alright.  How about…now that my brother's head has finally cracked enough to let his feelings out, do you think yours will as well so that you'll finally admit how _you feel about __me?_

"Uh…" Harry's voice cracked, "um…tell me more about my eyes?" he heard himself say stupidly.  

Ginny Weasley laughed lightly and kissed him soundly.  Harry forgot all about his eyes.


	4. What do you have to say for yourself

Disclaimer: Part one.

Dedication: Still to the Quill!  Power to the Quill!

_What do You Have to Say for Yourself?_

"Hand me that ink pot, would you, Ginny?"  Ron barely glanced up from his work and when he did, Harry noted, he was smiling.  It was beyond strange, as far as he was concerned.

"Sure," Ginny nudged the ink to her brother absentmindedly.  "Harry, do you mind leaving late for Hogsmeade this weekend?  I've got a detention from Snape on Saturday morning."

"Me too," Ron responded before Harry could.  "What are the chances Snape'll let us serve them together?"  

"Slim and none," Hermione said without looking up from her homework.  "And it's your own fault if you miss going…I told you not to give Crabbe jelly slugs for his Potion."  Ron snickered and winked at Harry.  

It was all just so _wrong, Harry reflected.  He was essentially snuggled up on the sofa with Ginny Weasley and Ron hadn't so much as batted an eye; not even when Harry had explained about the kiss.  "Doesn't any of this strike you as odd?" he burst out._

"Any of what?"  Ron asked, puzzled.  Hermione and Ginny looked at Harry expectantly.

Harry rubbed his eyes.  "Me…dating Ginny.  I mean, we're all mashed together up here on the sofa," he made a frustrated motion with his hands.  "And you…" he paused, unwilling to mention the fact that, though Ron and Hermione weren't looking at each other or anybody else in the room, their feet were tangled together under the table.  He went with the other 'and you' in his mind.  "You're so…casual… about it all."  

"You'd prefer shouting and tense silences?" Hermione asked, hiding a smile.

Ginny giggled and raised her eyebrows.  Harry rolled his eyes.  "_No.  I guess I always thought that if anybody so much as looked crosswise at Ginny, Ron would…he'd…"_

"That I'd be twice as wound up as McGonagall's panties are tight?" Ron grinned

"_Ron!" Hermione looked aghast.  Ginny laughed outright._

"I did, yes.  I guess," Harry ignored both girl and focused on his best friend.

Ron shrugged.  "I could do, if you want," he offered with a smile.  "But honestly, you're my best mate and Ginny's my only sister…if either of you has to go round snogging somebody it's nice that it's each other."

Harry nodded, touched.  "Me too," he muttered, glancing between Ron and Hermione.  Ron nodded back and they returned to their homework contented, if not mildly embarrassed, by the outright display of mutual affection.

Life was good.


	5. If You Can't Say It...

Disclaimer: I'm insane.  If you think that I own HP, you're dead wrong.

Dedicated: To Sinbin, for all the challenges.  This last one 'Do you want to rent this advertising space' was tough!!!  Also, to the others at the Sugar Quill…just for being SugarQuillers!

Author's Note: I'm insane.  I can't believe I'm linking all of these challenge fics together!  What the hell is wrong with me?

_If You Can't Say It…___

Harry had been in Hogsmeade only an hour when life went sour.  "Do you want to rent this advertising space?"  

"What?" he turned his head to face Fred Weasley.  

"The ad space, do you want to rent it?" George gestured at the sky.  "A Galleon buys the day," he continued.

Blinking, Harry turned fully to face the twins.  "Ad space?"

Fred nodded, "The sky above the Three Broomsticks sign; Madam Rosmerta rents it out to the other shops to use for advertising sales."  
  


"Or personal announcements," George added.  "Mum and Dad rented it when they got engaged; told the whole world at once.  It's a prime location to do a bit of promotion."

"Look, I told Ginny that I'd only be a minute in Honeydukes and it's been five.  I assume you want to rent it for the store?" Harry asked, peering though the pub windows.

George snorted.  "No, we want to tell the world that Ron likes Hermione and is too afraid to _really admit it."_

"Pity's sake," Fred rolled his eyes.  "Are we renting it or not?  We only asked," He sighed, "because you're the chief investor."

George shrugged.  "I say no; we're not opened yet and it'll waste money."

"I say we need to get our name out there!" Fred countered.  "We should rent it for the month."

Harry rubbed his forehead and regretted giving Fred and George his Triwizard earnings.  "One day.  A Galleon, right?  Who do we pay?"   The twins pointed mutely to a coin slot on the pub's main sign post; weary, Harry dropped a Galleon into it.  "There, happy?" he asked as the air above them glowed.  

"Actually, Harry…" Fred fidgeted.

"We already worked up a message, just in case," George said.  "We need you to authorize putting it up... It's your money in the post."

Harry sighed.  

"Tell the post to display the 'Grand Announcement'," Fred smiled gleefully.  "And then our message will be in the eyes of everybody in Hogsmeade."

"Display the Grand Announcement," Harry said.  The air crackled and lit with red flames.

George and Fred grinned.   

"Lovely!"

"A full month of loving, loveliness."

"_What?!"_

"Did I say a Galleon a day?  I meant a Sickle.  Sorry."  George didn't look sorry as above them the sign blazed out its message:

_Ron Weasley, the scared git, loves Hermione Granger.  I'm Harry Potter and I'd know.  P.S. I love his sister, Ginny._


	6. You Said What?!

Disclaimer: JRK STILL owns it all!  Amazing.

  
Dedication: To HPGuy, who made this installment SO easy.

_You Said What?!_

"…swear I will!"  Harry Potter would have liked to say that he found his missing best-friend by following girlfriend's dulcet voice, but truthfully it was easier to track Ron's outraged howls.  He poked his head around the door into the deserted classroom; Ron was slumped into a desk, head buried in his arms.  

"I'm pretty sure that's not a real spell..."  Ginny was patting Ron's back soothingly.  "But I'm sure we can find a spell to remove Harry's big, fat mouth if we keep looking," she continued.  Harry would have felt better if he'd known that she'd seen him before saying that.

Harry cleared his throat.  "Should I go?" he asked.  Ron buried his head deeper.  Ginny, at least, giggled.

"No, he's not mad," she said with another pat to her brother's back.  "Right, Ron?"

Ron raised his head and nailed Harry with an unreadable stare.  "Everybody in this school," he said, "knows not to accept anything from my brothers without first putting on their dragon-hide gloves and picking up a five meter pole."

"Technically I didn't…" Harry winced.

"But you," Ron continued without waiting for Harry to finish, "You, who have lived with those two mad jokesters, did exactly what they told you too do without even a sneaking suspicion.  

Harry wondered if telling Ron that his twin-alarm had been down because he'd been overly anxious to join Ginny in the Three Broomsticks would be wise or suicidal.  "I'm sorry," he offered softly.

"'S not your fault, mate," Ron said at length with an apologetic smile.  "Fred and George can be right clever bastards."

"Yeah," Harry agreed with his own rueful smile.  "At least it's not like it's just you up on that sign.  My name and Ginny's are up in lights as well."

Ginny tucked her tongue into her cheek, "And they're not going anywhere anytime soon," she added.

"Isn't it enough," Ron muttered, "that the entirety of Hogwarts has seen it?  Does the whole world Apparating in need to get a look, too?"

"Hermione couldn't talk Madam Rosmerta into removing it?" Harry asked forlornly.  Oh, Snape was going to have an absolute _field day._

"Madam Rosmerta thinks it's funny," Ginny said, "but that's not at issue because Hermione didn't even go to ask about taking it down."

"What?  Why not?"

"Because I invited her to the dance before she could ask," Ron moaned, "and she ran off."


	7. The Trouble with Talking

Disclaimer: Jo Rowling and you know it.

Dedication: To everybody.  I swear this is the last of them!

_The Trouble with Talking_

"Yellow sandals are so wrong." Harry ducked behind his tower of books and hoped to look invisible.  It didn't work.  Lavendar Brown shoved his books off the table and leaned in until they were nose to nose.  "Don't you think so, Harry?" she asked sweetly.  Behind her, Hermione looked murderous.

"Um," Harry said thoughtfully.

"Oh, really!" Parvati Patil snapped when Harry didn't speak further.  "It's monkey see, monkey do," she planted her hands on her hips and glared.  "If Hermione wears those shoes to the dance then so will Ginny and they clash horribly with Ginny's hair."

Harry smiled as sweetly as he, "I don't care what Ginny wears, she'll be beautiful no matter what."  He hoped that would satisfy them.  Lavendar and Parvati were Gryffindors but Harry still wasn't certain which planet they were from originally.

"See?"  Hermione folded her arms and cocked an eyebrow the other girls.  "It doesn't matter to the boys _what we're wearing."_

Parvati glared, "That's not it," she huffed "it's just that Harry is either too sweet or too dense to behave like the other boys.  _Ron will care."_

"I'm not arguing.  Ginny and I are going in similar colors by choice and I'll wear the yellow if I _choose too."_

"Yellow what?" Ron asked hopping off the dorm steps and into the common room.

Lavendar was nearly in hysterics.  "Shoes!  _Yellow sandals.  For the __Ball!  And __Ginny is going to go in __like colors!"_

Ron rubbed his temple and looked from Lavendar, to Parvati, to Harry, then to Hermione.  "I like yellow," he offered.  "So does Ginny, for that matter."

"It clashes!" Parvati hissed.  "It clashes with Ginny's hair and Hermione's eyes.  They're terrible."

"Uh," Harry could only call the look that Ron aimed at Hermione 'pleading'.

Hermione rolled her eyes.  "For heaven's sake!" she snapped.  "They're shoes.  They hardly matter."  

"You say that _now," Lavendar seethed.  "But you wait until you see them at the Ball!"_

"Ron's already seen them," Hermione sighed.  "I was wearing them when we met up at Gringotts this summer."

This seemed to interest Ron.  "You were?  You want to wear those shoes to the dance; the ones that are the same color as Lemon Sherbet Balls?" Hermione's cheeks flushed and she dipped her head slightly.  Ron smiled, his ears going red.  "Oh.  Those were really nice."  

"_Honestly!"_

Harry hid again, sorry he'd ever opened his mouth.  Ever.


End file.
